


Last Thougs

by Tigi



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Regret, Self-Reflection, dying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 07:09:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20578511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tigi/pseuds/Tigi





	Last Thougs

,,Seven Feet,, these two simple Words catches his attention.  
The words come from her lips the lips of the girl which the bunch of kids called Eleven.  
He rememberd the words he himself had spoken them a long time ago.

A long time bevor this moster which looks like a dried shadow setteld in his mind.  
He remember when he had spoken these words it was at the beach in Cali bevor his father and his mother had the big fight.

Before he lost his mother for ever and his joy went with her away.  
After his mother left his fathers became more aggressive and Billy too.

Sometimes Billy fiends himself wondering if he is now a monster like Neil.  
Some things did the monster, but he beated Lucas, he beated a kid.  
And worse he beated the kid for being black.  
Is he a racist?  
Did he beat the kid so Max would be save or because he became a racist too?

Will he marry one day and beat his own children?  
Will they grow up like him and then end up like him, beating there own children?  
An awful thought, but a possible outcome.

A long time Billy dreamed about being better than his father, but sometimes he thinks he is worse.

He can just stare at the girl and her bright brown eyes he fought the moster in his head to be in charge of his mind.  
He can feel how the monster faded away at least enough for him to her also her next words.

Some part of him even misses the monster, which he could easily blame for all the bad things he did.  
But now he has to admit that he also killed all this people.  
All these innocent peoples.

Maybe he us worse than Neil, because he killed.

,,You told her the wave was seven Feet,,

God this hurts all this memorrys that come back about her.  
He can't move,.  
He can't breathe.

He know what the girl is talking about she talks and he listen and he can see the beach and he can imaginen her, his mother.

She would be ashamed of what her son became.

But still he remembers the last good memory he posses.

It wasn't a day like evrey other day no it was the last day bevor he never had seen her again.  
He can renember the waves which rolles at the beach fuck he can also renember the smell of the ocean salty and warm, just like evreything in Cali and not so damm fucking cold like shitty Hawkins.

,,she was pretty...really pretty....and you you were happy,,

These words break him.

You were happy you were and that is so up fucking true he WERE happy and after this day he was never again.  
Sometimes he even can't quite remember what it is to be like this...to be happy.

And there are so many people hurt because of him, some even death.  
I am a monster, admits Billy.

He can fell tears falling down his cheeks but he don't care there us nobody Who would see them okay there was the girl but Neil wasn't so.

It's hard for him to remember the last time he was happy, it really is and this sucks

In this Moment he fucking knew what he is to do and this knewing dindn't included to letzten the strange girl die.

He has to save her.  
He has to stand up.  
He has to fight.

The girl said a few words and he believed trat it was the only right thing to fight for her and fucking to die.

'Cause he gonna die, he fucking knew it and he could accept this.

After all it was years singe he was happy and this was bloddy patheic.

It was years since HE rememberd a time were his father didn't hit him almost every hour and at every opportunitie.

But he would end it.  
He would not hurt someone anymore.  
He would be strong and defend and help to save instead of destroying.

God this tine seemd far away and it was because it he was now seventeen almost eightteen and at the day at the beach he was six.

Calmly Billy accepted that he would never turn eighteen.

He was calm and determinded after all he was just a lucky Bastard he wouldn't even get eightteen.  
No.  
He would never be an adult. He would never fall in love and marry. He would never father any children. He would never grew old. He would never get way from Hawkins. He would never see California again. He was gonna die at seventeen before he even had the oppurtiunitie to see California again.

Not one of his friends would ever see him again.  
Not that there were many and not one of them was in Hawkins.

I'll die friendless surrounded from people who don't like me and certainly don't like me.  
But Billy supposed he deserved this.

,,I'm sorry ''  
These were his last words and he was fine with it.  
At least he got to say sorry to them and more importantly to Max. Maybe he didn't was a good person but at least dying he tried to be good.

,,I'm sorry."  
And it feelt so damn fucking good.  
He was going to die but he didn't cared.  
Exhausted he tried to tell Max she shouldn't grieve, but he hadn't the time.

Slowly the world went black and he knew it was time.  
His life was short angry, hateful and unbearable at the most times.  
In death he finally found peace.


End file.
